Posted by / Thursday, April 18, 2013 / No comments / ,

Coming Clean

Today I am going to be brave. Today I am going to come clean about a dirty little secret I've been keeping. You see, over the past few months I've been keeping not one, but two blogs. This space here is where I've been talking about my family and (many) other interests. But the other blog I've been keeping is dedicated wholly to personal style.This other blog is my dirty little secret. I don't know what it is about the need for secrecy for this other blog. I mean, I put it out there for complete strangers to look at.... so what's so bad about sharing this part of me with people I know more personally? For whatever reason that is, I've been too embarrassed to share. In some ways I almost felt ashamed. I think it was because I've worried that people close to me would judge me for this little style-blogging interest of mine -- that keeping a blog like this would be too vain, too worldly, to inappropriate, or too selfish.

I've thought a lot about it. A lot. I questioned myself as to why I think its fun and enjoyable to play dress up with your clothes and take pictures of the adventure. Why is it so fun? What drives me about this silly habit? All I can say is that it is just one more form of creativity. When I first discovered the virtual world of personal style bloggers I was intrigued. Jessica Quirk at What I Wore was my gateway. I found her book at Barnes and Noble almost two years ago and I was completely enthralled. I wanted more, so I started reading her blog. Then I found Kendi Everyday, and a few other notable blogs. I wanted to see more and learn more about remixing my closet. I didn't get the idea to start my own little space until last February when I had found other people like me who had the same interest. I didn't dare use this space here at taraleighgray.blogspot.com to share my new found interest (people would see me!), so I created the other blog, that I intended to keep secret.

It started out with a few posts here and there. Then I took a few breaks, one lasting several months. Finally, when I went back to work, I was incredibly thirsty for creativity. My time was so limited and I didn't have a lot of it to devote to other creative ventures, especially paper hobbies (my first love). So I used the necessity of getting dressed everyday as my form of creativity. I challenged myself to wear something different everyday, and to see how long I could go without repeating the exact same outfit. I was ready to take on this challenge. I was fueled with energy to set out and have fun. I went back to my "dirty little secret" blog and started posting more. I experimented with my iPhone (the source of most every picture on this other blog of mine). Then I started sharing my posts by linking up with certain other blogs to become part of a community. I have to admit, it's all been fun -- but there is one thing that has been bothering me: Why am I keeping this secret? Why am I still keeping two blogs?

The answer to that is simple. Before anything could change, I needed to be okay with sharing this hobby with everyone, not just strangers who had the same interest and appreciation for style blogging. I needed to let go of the fear of being judged. Happily I am here to report that I think I am there. I'm ready to own this. To own every aspect about myself, the good and the bad; the perfect and the imperfect; the pretty and the not so pretty parts of who I am. It all draws back to being honest with yourself, first and foremost. As human beings we tend to sweep our flaws under the rug. I want to embrace them. I want to acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses, and I want to do it gracefully. It will take time. It will take practice, and I'm sure there will be growing pains. But I am ready to take it all. To own it all. 

So to this, I will be shutting down my second blog. Gone for good. And I will rededicate this space to all things me. No more need for filtering and screening my content for prospective viewers. Not a lot of people even read this blog, but the people who do are people who are closer to me than strangers. I'm not going to hide anymore. I'm going to be real. I'm going to be true. I'm going to be me.

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